The Journey Thus Far

It's been awhile. I've been pondering where I've been and where I'm going. As I watched the Lord of the Rings, Return of the King yesterday, I was struck, again, by the conversation that Gandalf had with Pippin as they faced battle and their potential demise;

“PIPPIN: I didn't think it would end this way.

GANDALF: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.

PIPPIN: What? Gandalf? See what?

GANDALF: White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.

PIPPIN: Well, that isn't so bad.

GANDALF: No. No, it isn't.”

As I draw closer to the grey rain-curtain, things like this pass through my mind. I ponder what I've done - what would I do over. Then I ponder what's to come.

My friend writes a blog, The Gero-Punk Project (if you haven't read it I recommend you do) and she posted her most recent, "Public Service Announcement" where she again asks the questions - If you had a playdate with your 8 year old self, what would you do? And she asks if you could share some wine or tea with your future self, what would you talk about?

My 8 year old self would be making mud pies (and eating them) and serving a group of imaginary party goers.

Then my future self and I would share some cognac (and maybe some caviar) and talk about those shoulda, coulda, wouldas that we all have. I would have saved better for retirement. I would have given birth to children.

But as I really think about these things, I really think those are my only two regrets. But life has been good to me. I have four amazing children that aren't mine by birth and are shared by three other mothers (three step-kids and an ex-daughter-in-law). I have a home I love and I clearly have plenty to eat! I have opportunities to grow and to learn every day and, even though we are broke most of the time, I have all the "things" I need and even some that I don't. My life has been good.

The whole thought behind this blog is to embrace my aging self. Some days I feel far more aged than others. And some days I feel light and young and ready to take on the world - again.

Although we all face that final, grey rain-curtain. There's no getting around it. This life of ours truly is a journey. I hope you are enjoying yours as much as I am enjoying mine.

It's National Siblings Day

It's National Siblings Day and I have two - a brother and a sister that I adore and respect. The founder of this special day chose April 10 because it was the birthday of her late sister. That made me ponder the loss of my own brother or sister. My life would be forever changed and my heart forever broken. These two people enrich my life like no others.

My older sister (I call her sis - she was sissy when I was younger and it just feels strange to call her by her name, still) is my best friend, my confidant, my adventure buddy and the person I turn to first. She has been there for me through so many life changes. We have a bond that is so tight, it's actually painful when we argue. Thankfully our relationship takes a front seat to any disagreement and we always move forward. Thank you sis for being who you are.

My little brother (although not so little - well over 6 feet tall) Mike is a blessing. He is so smart he's the one we all turn to for answers to technical questions or science inquiries. He is a generous, compassionate man that cares about all the people around him and sometimes gives too much - there have been those that take advantage. But to him, that doesn't matter. That he was able to help someone, even in a small way, is what is important. He is the kind of man that makes the world a better place. Thank you Mike for the joy you give me.

So today, tell your siblings why they matter. If you are on the outs, consider extending a bridge. There is no friend like a brother or sister.

I love you sis and Mike.

National Answer Your Cat's Questions Day

Yep. It's National Answer your Cat's questions day. Have you ever pondered what questions your cat might be asking you? Here are some possibilities...

Why are you looking at me?

When are you going to clean the litter box?

May I have more wine please?

Do you think I could make the Caster Magazine center fold?

Why are you in my face?

Don't you just love me?

What the heck is this stuff?

Why do you let her do this to me?

Can you see me now?

Does this chair make me look fat?

Can we please have dinner now?

What's Your Word?

Every year I select a word to focus on.

The first year I chose "success". I created a little jar and put each success on a little piece of paper. At the end of the year I read them.

• I completed my bachelor's degree with a 4.0 GPA
• I lost 18 pounds
• I had my first paid photo shoot
• We got all our bills caught up
• Our home got "De cluttered" - a liberating experience

Just to name a few.

The next year I chose prosperity (we received an unexpected $12,000 check that year) and the year following, momentum. That year started great - finished my Master's degree that year. But in reflection I also saw my momentum reverse. It was that reflection that made me consider why this was and how to reverse the course. The idea led me to the year of the phrase - "Forward with intention".

Life does throw punches and the curves in the road can slow the journey. But it's those moments that we can reflect on the person we are and who we are becoming. We can embrace the trajectory or change the direction completely. We do have a choice. I learned in that year that forward may not necessarily be the direction we think we should go. It sometimes means taking the opportunities in front of us and embracing them. And intentional means that every moment in that journey brings unexpected treasures if we pay attention.

I was so excited by the revelation that I chose "Discovery" for the next word. So what exactly can a 60 something ol' lady discover? Well there is plenty. I discovered. I discovered my health wasn't as good as I thought, but I also discovered I could do something about it. And I discovered I loved training people. And that discovery has led to a business!

So now that you have the history of "the word", lets talk about the word of 2018. I chose "Adventure" and my goals were to "be open to new things and move out of my comfort zone". And move I did. I left a job that was detrimental to my mental health and causing problems with my physical health, and now am working at a place I look forward to going to - a job I honestly love. I make less money, but that'll be another adventure! I've changed my life in so many ways. Seeing a psychologist helped me to learn more about who I am and what I need - and that it's ok to give my needs priority.

So what will 2019 bring? What word should I focus on? I think I'll go with the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams". The dictionary defines the verb, dream, to consider a  possibility; to imagine. And so here's to a new year of possibilities - a new year to imagine...

Dream.

What will your word be?

Merry Christmas

Wishing you warmth and joy this holiday season - And may peace fill your soul.

Merry Christmas

My Big Fat Menopausal Wishlist

It's the holiday gift giving season. I don't know about you, but sometimes I get stumped! Well if you have a seasoned lady (that's a nice way to say old) and you don't know what she might like, let me help you!




But seriously folks - Here are some great ideas for gifts for your mom or your grandma -

Oh Deer - A Terrible Day

How many of you see a deer and admire it's beauty? I know I do. I'm an animal lover.

And I've never hit an animal. Until now.

Last Friday, on my way to work, I was driving on the Interstate. I noticed the car ahead of me in the middle lane start to move to my lane, nearly hitting the car in front of me. We were already traveling at a low speed because of traffic, but I slowed just a little more - thankfully. It was at that moment I saw the doe come from behind that car and right into the front of mine. I swerved to the shoulder but there was nothing I could do. I hit it.

I pulled over to the side about 20 yards ahead and sobbed. I couldn't stop. I called 911 because I didn't know if there would be traffic issues, although everything behind me seemed to be moving fine.

When the police officer came to the side of my door, I was still crying. She said the deer was no where in site and most likely had been able to run away. They are pretty tough critters. And, if I had hurt it seriously, my car would have had more damage. That made me feel a little better.

But wait - damage to my car? That hadn't occurred to me. It didn't feel that hard and the airbags didn't deploy. I couldn't be that bad.

It was an experience I never want to repeat. My heart broke and, even though she most likely is OK, I'll never forget those eyes. Every time I look at my car I almost cry. Not for the car, but for the creature I almost killed. For all the creatures that are moving into our "civilized" areas because their wild areas are getting smaller. For all those creatures just trying to survive.

But I am also grateful that this little deer has another chance.

Our wildlife is our responsibility to protect. If they are moving in on us, it's because we've moved in on them. They simply need to survive.