Letting Go

In October we had to put my big yellow cat, Bucky, to sleep. It was so hard. This week we've said good bye to another furbaby - Shidd.

Shidd was formerly feral. He's lived with us for a little over five years and was an awesome cat. He'd come in for the evening and we would have conversations. He loved to talk.

The last month he's been sick. The vet couldn't figure out what was wrong. He'd start to get better, then relapse. I tried everything I could think of.

Monday morning we let him out for his  morning walk and he never came back. In all the time he's lived with us, he was never gone more than 12 hours. In my head I believe he went off somewhere to die. That's what cats do. But in my heart I'm struggling with letting go.

I keep going to the window to see if he's come home. I walk through the back calling, just in case he's hiding somewhere. But there's never anything there. When I think about him lying somewhere alone, I cry. When I think about the fact that I will never see his sweet face or talk with him again, I cry.

It's so hard to let go sometimes. I'll miss you Shidd.