What is Valentine's Day

I remember as a kid, I loved Valentine's day. At school we made special boxes and everyone brought Valentine's for their classmates. But even then, there was an air of "I have someone and you don't". Remember the boy you had a crush on? He gave the snooty girl in class the best Valentine and the candy heart that said, "love" and "love bug", and you got the one that was blank? I remember that. It sort of hurt.

As an adult, my husband and I have had fun with the day. But never, ever did we expect diamonds or rolexes. And we always show each other we care in many different ways every day. Our anniversary was that special day to celebrate our love. 

Oh Deer - A Terrible Day

How many of you see a deer and admire it's beauty? I know I do. I'm an animal lover.

And I've never hit an animal. Until now.

Last Friday, on my way to work, I was driving on the Interstate. I noticed the car ahead of me in the middle lane start to move to my lane, nearly hitting the car in front of me. We were already traveling at a low speed because of traffic, but I slowed just a little more - thankfully. It was at that moment I saw the doe come from behind that car and right into the front of mine. I swerved to the shoulder but there was nothing I could do. I hit it.

I pulled over to the side about 20 yards ahead and sobbed. I couldn't stop. I called 911 because I didn't know if there would be traffic issues, although everything behind me seemed to be moving fine.

When the police officer came to the side of my door, I was still crying. She said the deer was no where in site and most likely had been able to run away. They are pretty tough critters. And, if I had hurt it seriously, my car would have had more damage. That made me feel a little better.

But wait - damage to my car? That hadn't occurred to me. It didn't feel that hard and the airbags didn't deploy. I couldn't be that bad.

It was an experience I never want to repeat. My heart broke and, even though she most likely is OK, I'll never forget those eyes. Every time I look at my car I almost cry. Not for the car, but for the creature I almost killed. For all the creatures that are moving into our "civilized" areas because their wild areas are getting smaller. For all those creatures just trying to survive.

But I am also grateful that this little deer has another chance.

Our wildlife is our responsibility to protect. If they are moving in on us, it's because we've moved in on them. They simply need to survive.

 

 

 

Opportunity

I've been in a funk. I'm sad and stressed and sick to my stomach. I need a respite.

Last year at this time, we had four cats. I love my cats. I truly am the crazy cat lady. In October, my buddy, Bucky, went into congestive heart failure and we had to say good bye. The middle of June, Shidd got sick. The vet couldn't figure out what was going on. Then one day, he went for his morning walk and never came back. Shortly after Shidd was gone, Mrs. Black started declining. For two weeks we've gone back and forth to, is she going to die or is she getting better. Trying to work with the vet to figure it out, but rapidly running out of money from vet bills!

My job is stressful. I'm finding myself not keeping up - being disorganized - not following through. All things that simply are not me. I'm finding myself counting the days instead of the years to retirement (955).

I don't want to do anything. My blogs have gotten behind. My training business sits waiting. I cry all the time. I simply want to hibernate until it's all over.

So why am I telling you this? Because today I vow to move forward. To put one foot in front of the other and move beyond the circumstances. Today I will work harder at taking care of myself and not just everyone else. Today is my day.

Life isn't always the easy path. Those rough trails build our character. They lead us into place we might not otherwise go. And, as Albert Einstein said,
"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity".

Today I claim it.

Letting Go

In October we had to put my big yellow cat, Bucky, to sleep. It was so hard. This week we've said good bye to another furbaby - Shidd.

Shidd was formerly feral. He's lived with us for a little over five years and was an awesome cat. He'd come in for the evening and we would have conversations. He loved to talk.

The last month he's been sick. The vet couldn't figure out what was wrong. He'd start to get better, then relapse. I tried everything I could think of.

Monday morning we let him out for his  morning walk and he never came back. In all the time he's lived with us, he was never gone more than 12 hours. In my head I believe he went off somewhere to die. That's what cats do. But in my heart I'm struggling with letting go.

I keep going to the window to see if he's come home. I walk through the back calling, just in case he's hiding somewhere. But there's never anything there. When I think about him lying somewhere alone, I cry. When I think about the fact that I will never see his sweet face or talk with him again, I cry.

It's so hard to let go sometimes. I'll miss you Shidd.