Spouses Day

After re-reading my last post, it seems appropriate that today is spouse's day.

My husband started to get sick on Christmas Eve and continued to go downhill until January 13. We were in the emergency room, urgent care, getting EKGs and multiple lab tests. He was so bad he could barely tie his shoes.

Now let me give you a little history on my spouse - the love of my life. He has been a functioning alcoholic for many years. He knew his health was at risk but all the tests on his liver showed minimal damage. What he didn't want to hear was other organs are being damaged as well - including his brain.

Bring it on 2020!

Each year I chose a word to focus on. At the end of the year I reflect on things that of done or experienced and how my word fit into it all. 

2019 Word was -  Dream – to consider, imagine, a possibility –

Merry Christmas

Happy Thanksgiving

Fall Leaves and Cold Air

It's been awhile since I've been here. Since starting my new job with new hours I'm not getting nearly as much done here in cyberspace! I have to get up at 3am if I'm going to work on blogs - and it doesn't matter what time I get home. I'm tired! But here I am today. Sitting on my couch with no noise, watching the light breeze blow the leaves onto my deck and reveling in the stillness. I love fall.

But what is fall?

Believe in Yourself

The Journey Thus Far

It's been awhile. I've been pondering where I've been and where I'm going. As I watched the Lord of the Rings, Return of the King yesterday, I was struck, again, by the conversation that Gandalf had with Pippin as they faced battle and their potential demise;

“PIPPIN: I didn't think it would end this way.

GANDALF: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.

PIPPIN: What? Gandalf? See what?

GANDALF: White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.

PIPPIN: Well, that isn't so bad.

GANDALF: No. No, it isn't.”

As I draw closer to the grey rain-curtain, things like this pass through my mind. I ponder what I've done - what would I do over. Then I ponder what's to come.

My friend writes a blog, The Gero-Punk Project (if you haven't read it I recommend you do) and she posted her most recent, "Public Service Announcement" where she again asks the questions - If you had a playdate with your 8 year old self, what would you do? And she asks if you could share some wine or tea with your future self, what would you talk about?

My 8 year old self would be making mud pies (and eating them) and serving a group of imaginary party goers.

Then my future self and I would share some cognac (and maybe some caviar) and talk about those shoulda, coulda, wouldas that we all have. I would have saved better for retirement. I would have given birth to children.

But as I really think about these things, I really think those are my only two regrets. But life has been good to me. I have four amazing children that aren't mine by birth and are shared by three other mothers (three step-kids and an ex-daughter-in-law). I have a home I love and I clearly have plenty to eat! I have opportunities to grow and to learn every day and, even though we are broke most of the time, I have all the "things" I need and even some that I don't. My life has been good.

The whole thought behind this blog is to embrace my aging self. Some days I feel far more aged than others. And some days I feel light and young and ready to take on the world - again.

Although we all face that final, grey rain-curtain. There's no getting around it. This life of ours truly is a journey. I hope you are enjoying yours as much as I am enjoying mine.