What? Three Months??

I really need to be more diligent in my postings!! It's been three months??  No Way!

Yes way - Well - here is what my life has been -

Work - crazy busy at work!! Budgets, Huge fundraising event, USDA renewals, hiring, losing and hiring again.... and the list goes on!

Home - I got sick with the flu - Hubby got sick, but not the flu - two days in the emergency room!  Thankfully he's on the road to recovery.  His insomnia is my insomnia!

Weight loss - well - I hit a plateau - A huge plateau!  So I decided to join weight watchers online.  After a month I'm starting to drop again.  Last weight, 196.5 - Only 45.5 left to go!!  Oh - and I had to buy a new dress for our event.  Last year's was too big!  And this year's was TWO (count them, 1-2) sizes smaller!! WOO HOO

And the hot flashes!! What the heck?  Those were supposed to be gone!  I'm in full blown menopause now and the hot flashes and night sweats have returned!!  I have doctor's appointment next week and will try to get some answers on that.

And so, I will try to commit to weekly posts - I have three other blogs so I get busy and forget this one.  The one that is my saving grace in dealing with this thing called menopause.  The one where I can vent and share and be me - My therapy.

So thank you to all my dedicated therapists that have stuck with me in spite of my inconsistencies!

Sneezeleak

I am an aging woman.  I am a member of the group known as "The Baby Boomers".  I am honestly enjoying getting older - telling people my real age.  I also find the changes in my body to be, well, interesting?

Only an older, menopausal woman will understand sneezeleak.  It's that little dose of incontinence that comes when we cough hard or sneeze or even, sometimes, laugh!  Ack!!  What the heck it this??

I'm not ready for depends.  Not by a long shot.  My ego will simply not allow it.  But what do I do here?  I had a bad cough and went to the doctor and found my self in the corner crossing my legs and clamping down as hard as I could to no avail!  You know, that "Sneeze" posture?  Geez.  What do I do now?

I tried those new things that are out that are supposed to put pressure on the urethra to prevent "leakage".  They look like a tampon.  They hurt.  They made it hard to go when I was really going.  And they didn't work. 

Perhaps this is TMI (Too Much Information), but why are we so hesitant, or flat out opposed, to talk about these thing?  Oddly, it happens to most of us!  It's made me acutely aware of just how self-conscious we are about our bodies.  We prefer to pretend we are perfect, with no odd goings on at all, when just about everyone else around us is doing the same thing!

I propose a challenge.  Let's talk!  What is going on with your aging self and what are you doing about it?  Talk here - talk to a friend - But let's get out there!  Am I the only one that finds these new experiences both interesting and frustrating and in some ways, humorous?  Our bodies are amazing, just how they are at this moment.  Our aging issues are badges of honor that we've made it this far!

Life is short.  We are all young, then we all are old.  Old is not a negative thing.  Old is part of the process. Old is beautiful!  I have a sign in my office that says, "Never regret getting older.  It's a privilege denied many".  It's a privilege I embrace.

This is my mom, a few years before she died.  She was not given the privilege of getting older.  She died at 50.

I am thankful for my aging self.  Sneezeleak and all.  I am thankful for the experiences in my life, memories I would not have had I not lived all the years that I have.  I am thankful for today and treasure the moments.  Tomorrow is promised to no one - Today is a treasured gift.  Don't let it slip away.

This is me and my grandson.  If I were not getting older, I would not have this amazing young man in my life.  He is a treasure!

Hot Flashes

When I first started menopause I had hot flashes – bright red skin turning hot flashes.  And night sweats!  Wow.  How can you sweat when the heater is off and its 28 degrees outside?  Well I did! 

I used HRTs for a while, then tapered off of them.  Heart disease runs in my family and I already have high blood pressure, so I was a little worried about the side effects of the drugs.  Over the course of a year I took them daily, then every other day, to eventually none. 

It’s been about 10 years since I took hormones and I’ve had little to no issues with hot flashes.  Then suddenly one day – They’re back! 

I sat in a meeting yesterday and my face and arms started to turn fiery red!  I felt like someone had turned the heat way up in my office.  I took of my sweater (fortunately is was a cardigan with a tank top under it) and opened the window.  Five minutes later, the window gets closed and the sweater goes back on.  Fifteen minutes later the routine begins again.

I’ve heard it called a woman’s personal summer.  It’s not.  Summer is lazy and breezy and wonderful when the sun soaks your skin and you relax in the beauty of it.  This is not a summer day.

I get why our bodies change as we age.  We don’t bear children anymore so our bodies don’t need all the parts and hormones and other things needed to do that job.  But why must other parts of our bodies rebel against the change?  Like the ol’ thermostat!

So what are my options?  Hormone Replacement again?  No – not worth the risk.  Taking soy supplements?  No – recent studies show that to be equally dangerous. 

I guess my options are to go out and buy lots of tank tops I can layer with shirts and cardigans – and get my workout taking them off and on and off and on…..

Ah – the joys of being an older woman.

Well, time to go shopping……

My Big, Fat, Menopausal Life

Menopause is an interesting phase of life.  I feel like me.  I still like to do fun things.  But when I look in the mirror I see my mother looking back!  When did that happen?

The Big Menopausal me

My body has deceived me!  I was always a tight, little, size 7 body in a 5' 7" frame.  I was athletic and energetic and I could eat - and eat - and eat.  I ran - I loved to run!  Then suddenly I found myself getting hot and sweaty for no reason.  My flat little tummy started to swell and my waist became, well, what waist?  My little size 7 grew into a 14 (twice the woman I used to be!) and a 16 and now, an 18!  And my sex life has changed.  Fortunately my husband's drive has dwindled as much as mine! 

This Friday I will be 60 years old.  I've been in menopause for about ten years.  My boobs droop and so does my belly!  And food has become an obsession - not what to eat, but what NOT to eat!!  My energy is waning and now I find myself not able to run because of arthritis in my food - and plantar fasciitis and bunions and bone spurs - Geez - this is stuff I used to hear grandma talking about!

So why did I start this blog?  Well not to complain and whine.  It is what it is and all us women will face menopause.  So I decided to start this blog for me.  A place to think about the changes that are happening to my body and to celebrate my aging self.

One of the biggest things I've noticed is the weight gain.  It's not healthy and, with diabetes and heart disease in my family, it's something I need to address.  I weigh 207 pound (up from my 115 pound frame in my twenties).  I've tried so many diets and exercises and have succeeded and gained and failed.  So what is up with that?  I was obsessing.  I spent so much time counting and planning that all I thought about was food.  I was unhappy and frustrated.  So two weeks ago I decided to make a change.

I know what I need to eat - and I know how much.  So my focus is simply to eat enough to fill my belly and no more.  Eat lots of veggies and even fruit - and to splurge on the more expensive ones to treat myself for being healthy.  

I do my stretches daily so I can walk - park far from the door and walk - eyes hurting at my desk, I walk.  And I set my goal easy - one pound per week.  That's it.  One pound.

On my weigh day (the only day I get on the scale) this last Saturday morning, I weighed 206.  Goal achieved.  No stress.  No obsessing.  Enjoying each day.  

So now I move into a new week, with new adventures and new challenges (and my birthday!).  I will enjoy each moment of every day on this journey through the rest of my life.   And I will succeed.