What's Your Word?

Every year I select a word to focus on.

The first year I chose "success". I created a little jar and put each success on a little piece of paper. At the end of the year I read them.

• I completed my bachelor's degree with a 4.0 GPA
• I lost 18 pounds
• I had my first paid photo shoot
• We got all our bills caught up
• Our home got "De cluttered" - a liberating experience

Just to name a few.

The next year I chose prosperity (we received an unexpected $12,000 check that year) and the year following, momentum. That year started great - finished my Master's degree that year. But in reflection I also saw my momentum reverse. It was that reflection that made me consider why this was and how to reverse the course. The idea led me to the year of the phrase - "Forward with intention".

Life does throw punches and the curves in the road can slow the journey. But it's those moments that we can reflect on the person we are and who we are becoming. We can embrace the trajectory or change the direction completely. We do have a choice. I learned in that year that forward may not necessarily be the direction we think we should go. It sometimes means taking the opportunities in front of us and embracing them. And intentional means that every moment in that journey brings unexpected treasures if we pay attention.

I was so excited by the revelation that I chose "Discovery" for the next word. So what exactly can a 60 something ol' lady discover? Well there is plenty. I discovered. I discovered my health wasn't as good as I thought, but I also discovered I could do something about it. And I discovered I loved training people. And that discovery has led to a business!

So now that you have the history of "the word", lets talk about the word of 2018. I chose "Adventure" and my goals were to "be open to new things and move out of my comfort zone". And move I did. I left a job that was detrimental to my mental health and causing problems with my physical health, and now am working at a place I look forward to going to - a job I honestly love. I make less money, but that'll be another adventure! I've changed my life in so many ways. Seeing a psychologist helped me to learn more about who I am and what I need - and that it's ok to give my needs priority.

So what will 2019 bring? What word should I focus on? I think I'll go with the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams". The dictionary defines the verb, dream, to consider a  possibility; to imagine. And so here's to a new year of possibilities - a new year to imagine...

Dream.

What will your word be?

The Journey

Life is a journey. But it's not a straight and even path. It's not all roses and birds singing. It has twists and turns and thorns and unbearable obstacles. Life throws punches.

As I have been working through my own problems, discovering difficult things about myself and learning to rise above them, I see others around me dealing with things beyond my comprehension. Illness, death, deep personal loss.

As I ponder on my life and how many blessings I've had - how many hills and obstacles I've managed to overcome -  I am grateful for it all. Through it I've learned that we all need to hold on to each other. We are all a part of this journey.

If we humans reach out and hold each other, we can walk this journey of life so much better. Together we can traverse the darkness and together celebrate the joys.

Sneezeleak

I am an aging woman.  I am a member of the group known as "The Baby Boomers".  I am honestly enjoying getting older - telling people my real age.  I also find the changes in my body to be, well, interesting?

Only an older, menopausal woman will understand sneezeleak.  It's that little dose of incontinence that comes when we cough hard or sneeze or even, sometimes, laugh!  Ack!!  What the heck it this??

I'm not ready for depends.  Not by a long shot.  My ego will simply not allow it.  But what do I do here?  I had a bad cough and went to the doctor and found my self in the corner crossing my legs and clamping down as hard as I could to no avail!  You know, that "Sneeze" posture?  Geez.  What do I do now?

I tried those new things that are out that are supposed to put pressure on the urethra to prevent "leakage".  They look like a tampon.  They hurt.  They made it hard to go when I was really going.  And they didn't work. 

Perhaps this is TMI (Too Much Information), but why are we so hesitant, or flat out opposed, to talk about these thing?  Oddly, it happens to most of us!  It's made me acutely aware of just how self-conscious we are about our bodies.  We prefer to pretend we are perfect, with no odd goings on at all, when just about everyone else around us is doing the same thing!

I propose a challenge.  Let's talk!  What is going on with your aging self and what are you doing about it?  Talk here - talk to a friend - But let's get out there!  Am I the only one that finds these new experiences both interesting and frustrating and in some ways, humorous?  Our bodies are amazing, just how they are at this moment.  Our aging issues are badges of honor that we've made it this far!

Life is short.  We are all young, then we all are old.  Old is not a negative thing.  Old is part of the process. Old is beautiful!  I have a sign in my office that says, "Never regret getting older.  It's a privilege denied many".  It's a privilege I embrace.

This is my mom, a few years before she died.  She was not given the privilege of getting older.  She died at 50.

I am thankful for my aging self.  Sneezeleak and all.  I am thankful for the experiences in my life, memories I would not have had I not lived all the years that I have.  I am thankful for today and treasure the moments.  Tomorrow is promised to no one - Today is a treasured gift.  Don't let it slip away.

This is me and my grandson.  If I were not getting older, I would not have this amazing young man in my life.  He is a treasure!

My Big, Fat, Menopausal Life

Menopause is an interesting phase of life.  I feel like me.  I still like to do fun things.  But when I look in the mirror I see my mother looking back!  When did that happen?

The Big Menopausal me

My body has deceived me!  I was always a tight, little, size 7 body in a 5' 7" frame.  I was athletic and energetic and I could eat - and eat - and eat.  I ran - I loved to run!  Then suddenly I found myself getting hot and sweaty for no reason.  My flat little tummy started to swell and my waist became, well, what waist?  My little size 7 grew into a 14 (twice the woman I used to be!) and a 16 and now, an 18!  And my sex life has changed.  Fortunately my husband's drive has dwindled as much as mine! 

This Friday I will be 60 years old.  I've been in menopause for about ten years.  My boobs droop and so does my belly!  And food has become an obsession - not what to eat, but what NOT to eat!!  My energy is waning and now I find myself not able to run because of arthritis in my food - and plantar fasciitis and bunions and bone spurs - Geez - this is stuff I used to hear grandma talking about!

So why did I start this blog?  Well not to complain and whine.  It is what it is and all us women will face menopause.  So I decided to start this blog for me.  A place to think about the changes that are happening to my body and to celebrate my aging self.

One of the biggest things I've noticed is the weight gain.  It's not healthy and, with diabetes and heart disease in my family, it's something I need to address.  I weigh 207 pound (up from my 115 pound frame in my twenties).  I've tried so many diets and exercises and have succeeded and gained and failed.  So what is up with that?  I was obsessing.  I spent so much time counting and planning that all I thought about was food.  I was unhappy and frustrated.  So two weeks ago I decided to make a change.

I know what I need to eat - and I know how much.  So my focus is simply to eat enough to fill my belly and no more.  Eat lots of veggies and even fruit - and to splurge on the more expensive ones to treat myself for being healthy.  

I do my stretches daily so I can walk - park far from the door and walk - eyes hurting at my desk, I walk.  And I set my goal easy - one pound per week.  That's it.  One pound.

On my weigh day (the only day I get on the scale) this last Saturday morning, I weighed 206.  Goal achieved.  No stress.  No obsessing.  Enjoying each day.  

So now I move into a new week, with new adventures and new challenges (and my birthday!).  I will enjoy each moment of every day on this journey through the rest of my life.   And I will succeed.